“An invisible thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, space, and circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.”

— Old Chinese proverb

How do you sustain yourself when your partner dies? How do you continue to wake each day?

My answer has been to continue my relationship with Bobby in the way that allows me to actively grieve and share myself with him. I write, and I share him with others, as I do now in my second memoir, Dear Bobby: My Grief Journey. It is my hope and desire that you each find comfort in my journey, learn that you are not alone, test some tools used in this book, and discover a new relationship with your loved one.

In Dear Bobby, Diane Papalia Zappa describes the loss of her beloved husband after three short years of marriage. She talks about her own grieving process, and outlines ways that can help others cope. The centerpiece of this book is a collection of several “Dear Bobby” letters that helped Diane process her grief, and reestablish her relationship with her husband.  She offers several writing prompts, to encourage readers to begin their own writing journey. Diane also includes a helpful selection of resources—books about death, grief, and the afterlife; films with afterlife themes; and support groups for those who are grieving.

Learn more about my writing process and a few sample letters in this essay for BooksbyWomen.org.

REVIEWS

What people are saying about Dear Bobby

  • Here is a magnificent portal into the voices of the heart: each chapter enlightens, enriches, and empowers. This is a must acquisition and a compelling read.

    Ephraim Frankel, PhD, LMFT

  • If you are struggling with deep loss, you will find many handholds here. Diane is a writer who carries you along as easily as a summer wave. Her flowing narrative is a soft place to land, providing understanding along with help in coping with devastating loss.

    Jane Moody, Retired therapist

  • Dear Bobby is an incredible lifeline of hope, especially for those of us who were rudely thrust into widowhood with absolutely no warning other than knowing everybody dies. What I thought was insane I discovered was perfectly normal after reading this book.

    Marion Hook

  • Diane Zappa’s first book, "The Married Widow" cemented the belief that the Soul knows the way Home. Now, with her second book, "Dear Bobby: My Grief Journey,” proves once again that true, unconditional love remains. That even death can not extinguish a love that was written in the stars.

    Jennifer Seitzer

  • Diane has done it again and touched our hearts with her amazing story about her life with Bobby. It is a must read for anyone who has loved and in particular for those of us who have loved and lost.

    Lana Rudner

  • For anyone who is grieving the loss of a spouse, “Dear Bobby: My Grief Journey” is a comforting read that includes a multitude of valuable resources for support. Like spending time with a trusted friend, Diane’s “Dear Bobby” letters help to lessen the agonizing feeling that we are alone in our grief.

    Vera Armstrong

  • It is so easy to forget the one who remains. It is so easy to avoid your own struggle with mortality and loss by avoiding another soul who is actively suffering and trying to navigate a path to which there is no map. Diane has done this admirably with snippets of her life with Bobby and tender offerings of letters to him, reminding him that love lingers on, undiminished, in the heart of the person who held your hand at the last.

    Marcia Willett

  • Wonderful letters. The best resources, readings and films. The widows club is an elite club and unless you have been there it is not something you can understand. Outstanding Diane.

    Carol Langelli

Diane’s first memoir, The Married Widow: My Journey with Bob Zappa is where she first opens up about her relationship with Bob and the love they shared.

Diane Papalia’s world was turned upside down when she met Bob Zappa, “the man with the chocolate brown eyes,” in 1986. They were immediately drawn to each other. Over the course of 27 years, their stars would cross again and again, but it was complicated for them to be together. It wasn’t until 2013 that Diane and Bob were free to commit to being together. This is Diane’s story about their journey across those years, and how their love endured. The Married Widow is a poignant look at a beautiful love story between two people who waited years to finally be together.